


Five Ways Daniel ends up in prison

by lilyleia78



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 5 Things, Angst and Humor, Gen, Gen Fic, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-25
Updated: 2012-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-30 02:39:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyleia78/pseuds/lilyleia78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says - framed with the five senses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Ways Daniel ends up in prison

1 - His mouth.   
  
There was filth, disease, and death everywhere Jack looked. Given a chance, he could probably think of worse things than the living conditions of the slaves on PX3-359, but he wouldn’t willingly call those memories to mind. Jack had to lock away his personal feelings just to endure the short tour they were being given, and he could see Carter doing the same. Feeling his eyes on her, Sam looked up and allowed her anger to flare briefly in her eyes. Jack nodded once in acknowledgement and was gratified to see her mask slip back into place.  
  
A quick glance at Teal’c showed him that the Jaffa’s poker face was serving him well. If there were lines of tension coiling just below the surface of his skin, Jack was confident that only SG-1 was aware of them. Not for the first time, Jack was grateful for Jaffa stoicism.   
  
But his archaeologist was another matter entirely. He looked as if only the arms he had wrapped tightly around himself were keeping him together. His face was blank, but his eyes hid nothing. Jack knew that Carter’s constant questioning of their guide was, at least in part, to distract from the fury emanating from Daniel.  
  
Daniel knelt down beside an older woman and gently said something in her own language. The woman glanced fearfully at her Master but didn’t respond. Before Jack could ask for a translation, their mild-mannered host smacked the woman across her face. There was no venom in his action; it was almost an automatic reaction.  
  
Jack was nearly too shocked to react. He’d seen plenty of violence before, but the sheer casualness of the unprovoked strike threatened to immobilize him. Unfortunately, Daniel had no such problem. His anger and disgust poured forth from him in an amazing display of linguistic achievement. Jack didn’t understand a single word Daniel was saying, but he recognized the tone as the one usually reserved for the Gou’ald. Daniel didn’t struggle as the local guard hauled him away, but he never stopped his appeal for justice either.  
  
When diplomacy failed to win Dr. Jackson his freedom, Jack allowed Sam the pleasure of holding the P-90 to the ‘Master’s’ head until he agreed that keeping Daniel prisoner would be an unnecessary financial hardship.  
  
2 – His ears.   
  
“Let me get this straight,” Jack began, confusion written all over his face as he took in the disheveled state of his archaeologist. “You were thrown in jail for being in the temple?”  
  
“Yes,” Daniel spit out irritably. This was already the third time he’d explained himself, and he was no closer to being released.  
  
“The same temple I heard the priests practically begging you to tour this morning?”  
  
“Yes, Jack. That’d be the one.”  
  
“How did you manage to get in trouble for doing as you were told, for once? That takes a special kind of talent.”   
  
Daniels sighed and dropped down to sit on the dirt floor of his cell. “The temple thing was just an excuse. They threw me in here because I overheard something they didn’t want me to hear.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Daniel admitted wearily.  
  
Jack’s eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hair line. “You don’t know.”  
  
“I don’t know,” he repeated defiantly.  
  
“Why do they think you know?” Jack asked sensibly enough.  
  
Daniel rolled his eyes. “The priests accompanying me were speaking a different language than the local dialect. I thought I recognized elements of ancient Gaulish. So I tried addressing them in Gallic, to see if they recognized the similarities. Apparently, it was too close for comfort.”  
  
Jack could see where this was going. “They assumed you understood whatever it is they were discussing.”   
  
“They started screaming at each other, something about he’ll tell and the people will rebel, revolt, something,” Daniel confirmed. “So they threw me in here under pretense to keep me from spilling their secrets.”  
  
“Ah,” Jack bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. “Did you try telling them you didn’t know anything?” Daniel glared at him in answer. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” He was silent for a few moments. “Did you threaten to reveal their secret if they don’t release you?”  
  
Daniel looked up, startled. “I don’t know the secret.”  
  
“They think you do,” Jack reminded him with a wicked smile.   
  
Daniel answered with a dangerous smile of his own. “Yes, they do think that don’t they?” He stood up and yelled. “Guard! Send for your priests. Tell them to come at once if they want me to hold me tongue.”  
  
3 – His eyes.   
  
For once, Daniel couldn’t really be blamed for landing himself in jail. All he had done was call Sam over for a closer look at something vaguely football shaped that was producing a low hum. In order to examine the object properly, the two doctors removed their sunglasses. That was when all hell broke loose.  
  
There was no way that SG-1 could have known that the inhabitants of P2X-189 connected eye color with their oppressors. Apparently, blue vs. gold wasn’t a distinction they troubled themselves with too much, especially for two pale-eyed strangers traveling with a Jaffa.  
  
Luckily for SG-1, the natives hadn’t actually had much call for locking up prisoners. There wasn’t room for all four team members, so they allowed themselves to be talked out of any attempt to take Jack and Teal’c into custody. Jack’s eyes were the proper color after all, and Teal’c was…Teal’c.  
  
The locals knew enough to take away Sam and Daniel’s impressive array of weapons, but they made the error of allowing both members of SG-1 to retain their packs. Once night fell it was a simple matter of waiting for their obviously untrained guard to fall asleep. Daniel picked the lock, Sam recovered their weapons, and the two blue-eyed ‘demons’ walked right out of the building just in time to stop Jack and Teal’c’s rescue plan.  
  
“It was a really good plan,” Jack muttered. “Now I’ll have to save all of my ‘damsel in distress’ jokes for next time.” He sulked the whole way back to the gate.  
  
4 – His hands.   
  
Initial contact with Kystan (aka P3Y-294, aka The Geek Homeworld) revealed a race of people unusually devoted to their history and the preservation of such. “It’s like the whole planet is full of archaeologists,” Daniel explained excitedly. Jack let out a heartfelt groan, but no one was fooled. It was nice to have SGC priorities in line with Daniel priorities for a change.  
  
Repeated explanations of Daniel’s profession on Earth finally granted the team an invitation to visit one of their dig sites. The SGC was anxious to learn about the technology that allowed for excavation of entire cities in the matter of days without destroying anything of the site itself.   
  
Daniel spent nearly half an hour of their pre-mission briefing lecturing his teammates on the importance of keeping their hands to themselves. And no, Jack wasn’t just imagining the four sets of eyes on him for most of the meeting. But his worry turned out to be for naught. The whole team, Jack included, did a marvelous job. They kept a respectful distance from the artifacts, let Daniel ask questions to his heart’s content, and opened discussion into the possible mining implications of their technology. As a reward, they were granted a closer inspection of a newly discovered piece of pottery.  
  
“The language on it is unknown to us,” the dig leader explained cheerfully. “Perhaps Dr. Jackson could, what is that phrase you used Colonel O’Neill? ‘Take a whack at it.”  
  
Daniel was staring at the broken bowl with wonder, lips working silently as he deciphered the writing on it. After a few minutes, he let out a soft gasp, and reached out to trace one of the markings with a finger. Jack recognized the familiar pyramid topped with a circle.   
  
No sooner had he made contact than the bowl was yanked away. Daniel hastily began apologizing for the stupidity of his actions, but it was too late. He went meekly when the guards came for him.  
  
It took less than an hour for the Kystans to determine that no harm had been caused to the artifact. They released Daniel immediately, with a sternly-worded suggestion that they return home. They even agreed to continue talks, away from anything of value. So there was no real damage done, but Daniel had a feeling the embarrassment would last a lifetime. As he listened to Jack deliver his hands-off lecture back to him, modified by the famous O’Neill wit and punctuated with Sam’s laughter, he wished desperately for the peace of his cell.   
  
5 – His nose.   
  
Janet’s allergy medications were the most miraculous medical discovery since penicillin. Daniel was rarely bothered by watery eyes or a runny nose anymore. So even on the germ phobic world of PX5-348, or Hypochondria as Jack like to call it, it never occurred to Daniel to use extra caution regarding his sinuses. His main concern was with avoiding a repeat of ‘the touching incident’ on Kystan.   
  
Daniel had spent the entire mission with his hands wrapped firmly around his biceps; patiently ignoring Jack’s teasing references to the hands-off approach to archaeology. When their hosts walked them to the edge of the city and held out a small silver box, Daniel gripped himself tighter and sent Jack a smug smile.  
  
Jack smirked in return and laced his fingers casually over his gun. Daniel turned his attention back to the magistrate as the other man began speaking. Automatically, Daniel translated for his team.   
  
“The travelers from afar take their leave. We offer up a prayer to the gods for health and well being. We ask that the cleansing breath of Asklepios blow over our new friends and keep them from all harm.” As he finished his prayer, the magistrate lifted the lid off the delicate jar and poured a small amount of a fine white powder into his hands.  
  
“Daniel?” Jack asked with quiet alarm.  
  
Daniel shook his head and leaned forward to get a closer look at the substance just as the magistrate blew over his hand, scattering the powder over the team and directly up the nose of one Dr. Daniel Jackson.  
  
No allergy medication known to the universe could have prevented the automatic sneeze his body released as it tried to eject the foreign powder. Unfortunately, his body rejected the powder all over the magistrate. There was a moment of tense silence before the magistrate began screaming ‘Assassin.” Daniel was hauled away before Jack could stop laughing long enough to react.  
  
Luckily they were able to trade three cases of plastic gloves and four cases of face masks for his freedom. But Sam suggested it might be a good idea to set up a bail fund for next time, just in case.


End file.
